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fandoms and personal thoughts
Hello people and happy Easter! :D
I'm writing this entry from Andrew's house. My semester ended officially today, but since I had no more lectures after Wednesday, I've actually started my holidays a bit earlier. I am so happy to finally be on holiday! I have my exams relatively early in April (22nd, 25th and 3rd of May), but I only need to study for two of them, since the exam on the 3rd is just to test my ability to solve a problem question and the lecturer will give us all the materials we need in the exam to reply to the question. So really, since I don't need to revise for it, it means that my summer holidays will begin on the 25th of April this year! :D
I want to look for a job here in Scotland, maybe as a tourist guide somewhere (I do know three languages after all), so I can save some money for the next academic year. I know there are no jobs for young people like me in Italy right now, so it would be pointless to even look for one there.
I'm reading The Amber Spyglass right now (I'm halfway through it) and I'm enjoying it. I read and finished The Subtle Knife in less than a week and... I didn't enjoy it as much. Here are the reasons why: 1) it was not set in Lyra's world (which I love), which was to be expected, but I found Cittàgazze so... boring. Some parts of the book also took place in our world and we all know our boring our world is. I'd much rather read about armored bears and witches than Lyra exploring our boring world (and needless to say, the parts with Lee Scoresby and Serafina Pekkala were my favourites of the book); 2) Lyra suddenly went from being the protagonist and the child of the prophecy to... a sidekick. I like Lyra as the protagonist: she's intelligent, quick, curious, brave - she's amazing to me. And it made me so sad to see less of her in this book. It's more a book about Will than Lyra. Which, okay, I get that you need to introduce this new character, but you don't need to lose all of Lyra's characterisation just because you're introducing Will; and 3) Will himself. I couldn't stand him at first. He's had a harsh life and I feel sorry for him; but the way he treated Lyra just made me so mad. He bossed her around, thought he was smarter because he knew his world and Lyra didn't and damn, the scene where Lyra kept apologising to him because she had made that mistake and given him away to the police (even though it was never her intention) and promised only to help Will find his father really rubbed me the wrong way. He didn't show respect or gratitude to her, it was like it was a given fact that she should have helped him all along. And I don't like that. He daemon could transform into a lion and rip your head off, boy: show her some respect!
I am liking Will more in the Amber Spyglass, though. And hopefully now Lyra will play her big part in the course of things. I'm really interested to know how exactly she will be tempted and if she will give into temptation. Also, when Lee Scoresby died I genuinely cried. Just the way it was written was so sad. It looked like things were maybe going to be alright for him, and I hoped they would... until the very end. :(
I also watched Doctor Who last night. I haven't caught up with it yet (I'm still watching the episodes with the Ninth Doctor), but Andrew's family wanted to watch it, so I decided why not. XD I enjoyed it, but... am I the only one who doesn't like Clara? There's just something about her that really annoys me for some reason. *braces herself for angry comments from DW!f-list*
Anyway, fandom aside... I actually have something very personal that I want to talk about, specifically: my asexuality. Yesterday one of my friends (who is a girl and has a boyfriend) messaged me on Facebook, asking (and quite out of the blue, if I might add) if Andrew and I had "made progress". I asked her what she meant and she replied, "You know what I mean": she obviously wanted to know if Andrew and I had had sex yet.
I have never actually written it anywhere else on my journal, but here's the thing: I'm asexual. I'm not interested in sex and never have never been; even in my fandoms, I always skip the sex scenes. It takes quite a lot to turn me on and 99% of the time I will not be in the mood for anything else beside cuddling and hugging. I just love doing other things more than sex: I prefer cuddling, holding hands, hugging, having meaningful and deep conversations, playing a game together... basically everything else you can do in a relationship. I'm not aromantic, quite the contrary: I'm just asexual.
Andrew and I have talked about it quite a lot (at first it was a bit of a shock for him, he didn't know there was such a thing as asexuality) and he's come to accept it completely and he's reassured me countless times that he doesn't mind: all he wants is to be with me. I am very lucky to have found a boyfriend who doesn't mind that I don't want to have sex.
So the answer to her question is: no, Andrew and I have not had sex yet, and possibly I will never have sex with anybody in my life.
Now, I could have lied to her. She doesn't know that I'm asexual and she doesn't know what asexuality is (I don't even think she's ever heard of the word before). But I decided to be honest, even though she would think that I'm a freak for not having sex with my boyfriend. She then asked if I was "scared of sex" and I said that I wasn't being held back by fear, I just wasn't interested in it. I said I liked doing other things better, like cuddling and having discussions and that I felt no need to have sex. Just like that, without however saying that I'm asexual, because coming out in a Facebook message is kind of embarrassing to me.
She of course asked if Andrew was okay with that and I told her the same thing that I wrote to you guys. I also said that, at the end of the day it doesn't matter whether we have sex or not, because our relationship doesn't change, it will stay exactly the same, even if we do have sex. I also added that it was not the end of the world. She replied with a "ok..." and the conversation ended.
However, what really got my attention was something she wrote when asking if Andrew was okay with that. She wrote, "I'm asking this because after a year and a half [that's how long Andrew and I have been together], he'd want to 'deepen' the relationship." Cue word here being "deepen" of course.
By "deepening" the relationship, she obviously means going further than kissing and cuddling. But here's my question: is that all you need to say that you have a "deep" connection with your partner? Do you have sex and then BAM, you know each other so well and have such a deep connection that you should get married immediately? Just because you have a sexual relationship does not mean you have a deep connection on a personal level; and, most important of all, just because I don't have sex with my partner, does not mean we don't have a deep connection, or that our relationship is fake or not "deep" enough.
If Andrew and I did not have a deep connection, we just wouldn't be together. We don't have sex, but we kiss, cuddle and hug. We have some of the most amazing conversations ever about fandoms, life, religion, society, our world... we can literally talk about anything and everything, and I mean it. He's always there for me when I'm upset, sad, or when I'm missing home. He hugs me, tells me sweet words and offers me a shoulder to cry on. This has happened so many times that I've lost count. We laugh together, we make jokes, we act silly. We play games and sometimes even music together. We support each other in every situation. I'm there for him when he's upset, the same way he's there for me. We make each other's day better just by looking at each other, or by waking up next to each other. I practically live with Andrew 24/7 now that I'm on holiday. I've been with him when he was depressed; I never abandoned him and I offered him all the help he could need from me and more. If Andrew and I don't have a deep connection/relationship, then I don't know who does. I really don't see how sex would suddenly change all of that and make our relationship "deeper". At the end of the day, what really matters is that you love the person you're with; and I do.
Also, I would like to add that it's written nowhere that, if you don't have sex, then your relationship isn't "deep" enough. Sex doesn't change anything. Lots of people have sex with other people they've never met before and that they do not intend to see ever again. Sex doesn't automatically make something "deep". Sometimes it's completely the opposite. Sex should really not be used to measure how good your relationship is.
And I can't help but feel that my friend is judging me or thinking that my relationship is a joke. It's not. I don't feel comfortable talking about it on Facebook, but when I'm back in Italy I will explain to my friends that I'm asexual and that I have an amazing relationship with a person that I love very much. Hopefully they won't think I'm a freak.
Anyway, I'll start a meme this month, so I can update my journal every day. :D Hope you guys all have a great Easter holidays!
I'm writing this entry from Andrew's house. My semester ended officially today, but since I had no more lectures after Wednesday, I've actually started my holidays a bit earlier. I am so happy to finally be on holiday! I have my exams relatively early in April (22nd, 25th and 3rd of May), but I only need to study for two of them, since the exam on the 3rd is just to test my ability to solve a problem question and the lecturer will give us all the materials we need in the exam to reply to the question. So really, since I don't need to revise for it, it means that my summer holidays will begin on the 25th of April this year! :D
I want to look for a job here in Scotland, maybe as a tourist guide somewhere (I do know three languages after all), so I can save some money for the next academic year. I know there are no jobs for young people like me in Italy right now, so it would be pointless to even look for one there.
I'm reading The Amber Spyglass right now (I'm halfway through it) and I'm enjoying it. I read and finished The Subtle Knife in less than a week and... I didn't enjoy it as much. Here are the reasons why: 1) it was not set in Lyra's world (which I love), which was to be expected, but I found Cittàgazze so... boring. Some parts of the book also took place in our world and we all know our boring our world is. I'd much rather read about armored bears and witches than Lyra exploring our boring world (and needless to say, the parts with Lee Scoresby and Serafina Pekkala were my favourites of the book); 2) Lyra suddenly went from being the protagonist and the child of the prophecy to... a sidekick. I like Lyra as the protagonist: she's intelligent, quick, curious, brave - she's amazing to me. And it made me so sad to see less of her in this book. It's more a book about Will than Lyra. Which, okay, I get that you need to introduce this new character, but you don't need to lose all of Lyra's characterisation just because you're introducing Will; and 3) Will himself. I couldn't stand him at first. He's had a harsh life and I feel sorry for him; but the way he treated Lyra just made me so mad. He bossed her around, thought he was smarter because he knew his world and Lyra didn't and damn, the scene where Lyra kept apologising to him because she had made that mistake and given him away to the police (even though it was never her intention) and promised only to help Will find his father really rubbed me the wrong way. He didn't show respect or gratitude to her, it was like it was a given fact that she should have helped him all along. And I don't like that. He daemon could transform into a lion and rip your head off, boy: show her some respect!
I am liking Will more in the Amber Spyglass, though. And hopefully now Lyra will play her big part in the course of things. I'm really interested to know how exactly she will be tempted and if she will give into temptation. Also, when Lee Scoresby died I genuinely cried. Just the way it was written was so sad. It looked like things were maybe going to be alright for him, and I hoped they would... until the very end. :(
I also watched Doctor Who last night. I haven't caught up with it yet (I'm still watching the episodes with the Ninth Doctor), but Andrew's family wanted to watch it, so I decided why not. XD I enjoyed it, but... am I the only one who doesn't like Clara? There's just something about her that really annoys me for some reason. *braces herself for angry comments from DW!f-list*
Anyway, fandom aside... I actually have something very personal that I want to talk about, specifically: my asexuality. Yesterday one of my friends (who is a girl and has a boyfriend) messaged me on Facebook, asking (and quite out of the blue, if I might add) if Andrew and I had "made progress". I asked her what she meant and she replied, "You know what I mean": she obviously wanted to know if Andrew and I had had sex yet.
I have never actually written it anywhere else on my journal, but here's the thing: I'm asexual. I'm not interested in sex and never have never been; even in my fandoms, I always skip the sex scenes. It takes quite a lot to turn me on and 99% of the time I will not be in the mood for anything else beside cuddling and hugging. I just love doing other things more than sex: I prefer cuddling, holding hands, hugging, having meaningful and deep conversations, playing a game together... basically everything else you can do in a relationship. I'm not aromantic, quite the contrary: I'm just asexual.
Andrew and I have talked about it quite a lot (at first it was a bit of a shock for him, he didn't know there was such a thing as asexuality) and he's come to accept it completely and he's reassured me countless times that he doesn't mind: all he wants is to be with me. I am very lucky to have found a boyfriend who doesn't mind that I don't want to have sex.
So the answer to her question is: no, Andrew and I have not had sex yet, and possibly I will never have sex with anybody in my life.
Now, I could have lied to her. She doesn't know that I'm asexual and she doesn't know what asexuality is (I don't even think she's ever heard of the word before). But I decided to be honest, even though she would think that I'm a freak for not having sex with my boyfriend. She then asked if I was "scared of sex" and I said that I wasn't being held back by fear, I just wasn't interested in it. I said I liked doing other things better, like cuddling and having discussions and that I felt no need to have sex. Just like that, without however saying that I'm asexual, because coming out in a Facebook message is kind of embarrassing to me.
She of course asked if Andrew was okay with that and I told her the same thing that I wrote to you guys. I also said that, at the end of the day it doesn't matter whether we have sex or not, because our relationship doesn't change, it will stay exactly the same, even if we do have sex. I also added that it was not the end of the world. She replied with a "ok..." and the conversation ended.
However, what really got my attention was something she wrote when asking if Andrew was okay with that. She wrote, "I'm asking this because after a year and a half [that's how long Andrew and I have been together], he'd want to 'deepen' the relationship." Cue word here being "deepen" of course.
By "deepening" the relationship, she obviously means going further than kissing and cuddling. But here's my question: is that all you need to say that you have a "deep" connection with your partner? Do you have sex and then BAM, you know each other so well and have such a deep connection that you should get married immediately? Just because you have a sexual relationship does not mean you have a deep connection on a personal level; and, most important of all, just because I don't have sex with my partner, does not mean we don't have a deep connection, or that our relationship is fake or not "deep" enough.
If Andrew and I did not have a deep connection, we just wouldn't be together. We don't have sex, but we kiss, cuddle and hug. We have some of the most amazing conversations ever about fandoms, life, religion, society, our world... we can literally talk about anything and everything, and I mean it. He's always there for me when I'm upset, sad, or when I'm missing home. He hugs me, tells me sweet words and offers me a shoulder to cry on. This has happened so many times that I've lost count. We laugh together, we make jokes, we act silly. We play games and sometimes even music together. We support each other in every situation. I'm there for him when he's upset, the same way he's there for me. We make each other's day better just by looking at each other, or by waking up next to each other. I practically live with Andrew 24/7 now that I'm on holiday. I've been with him when he was depressed; I never abandoned him and I offered him all the help he could need from me and more. If Andrew and I don't have a deep connection/relationship, then I don't know who does. I really don't see how sex would suddenly change all of that and make our relationship "deeper". At the end of the day, what really matters is that you love the person you're with; and I do.
Also, I would like to add that it's written nowhere that, if you don't have sex, then your relationship isn't "deep" enough. Sex doesn't change anything. Lots of people have sex with other people they've never met before and that they do not intend to see ever again. Sex doesn't automatically make something "deep". Sometimes it's completely the opposite. Sex should really not be used to measure how good your relationship is.
And I can't help but feel that my friend is judging me or thinking that my relationship is a joke. It's not. I don't feel comfortable talking about it on Facebook, but when I'm back in Italy I will explain to my friends that I'm asexual and that I have an amazing relationship with a person that I love very much. Hopefully they won't think I'm a freak.
Anyway, I'll start a meme this month, so I can update my journal every day. :D Hope you guys all have a great Easter holidays!