broadening my horizons + I need your opinion on my photos!

[chibichan]

First of all, thank you guys so much for all your lovely comments on my last entry! They really made me feel better about my possible choice of dropping out of my degree course.

I've emailed my advisor of studies, but she's on holiday and she won't be back to Scotland until next week. Which puts me in a very awkward position, because my first resit is on Friday and I really hoped I could have talked to her before my exams, so I would have gotten a clearer idea of whether I want to keep going with this degree (which at the moment seems very unlikely) or not and thus chosen whether to actually attempt my resits or not. Not that it would have made much of a difference - I'm not prepared for my resits, as I don't understand the stuff and can't answer problem questions, so the chances of me passing my resits are low. But if I had talked to my advisor of studies before the resits and decided to drop out, I could have spared having to take exams. Because the fact that I need to take exams + the fact that I know I won't be able to pass them is stressing me quite a lot. Again, more useless and unhealthy stress. I'm really just doing my resits to show that 'at least I tried' if my advisor of studies should ask. But yeah, these exams are not going to go well.

Another thing that is worrying me about my resits is the fact that I might have to redo second year if I don't pass them. If there's one thing I know for certain, is that I don't want to re-study and re-do a property law exam. Ever. Again. So, if it does turn out that I might have to pass second year again, I'll most likely drop out.

So, I've been looking at other choices recently. I've been looking mostly into becoming a professional photographer. I found the Glasgow School of Art and I'm going to get more information on it and its courses. The courses I'd be interested in would be Fine Art Photography and Digital Culture. I obviously will have to look more into them and I do intend to meet someone from the school and have a chat with them about both courses, because I really want to get an idea of what they're like. (I sent an email, but I guess they must be closed for holidays or something, because they haven't replied yet.) I'll have to do a portfolio, but I wanted to make a portfolio anyway, so this will be a good occasion to make one. I have taken over 1,000 photos, so there must be something in there worth showing.

Which brings me to another request I have for you guys. I'm looking for feedback on my photos and I'm trying to figure out which ones are most likely to impress and that I should put on my portfolio. If you guys feel like being photography critics, my Flickr account is skymistress. I also tried out a free portfolio website (I'm not going to use it, I'm going to build my own portfolio, since I know web design, so I can show my web designing skills as well), just to get an idea of what I would like my portfolio to look like and what photos I'd put in it and here is a 'prototype', if you will. I'm also thinking of offering paid (but very cheap!) web design work to friends and family in the near future, so if any of you guys are interested in having a website, but know nothing of web design and would like someone to do the 'dirty work' for you, don't hesitate to ask! :) This way I'll get an idea of what working for other people is like and if I'd actually like to do it for a living.

While I was making this 'portfolio prototype', I also realised that I would love to be a photographer for a magazine. I love taking pictures of animals, nature, landscapes, cities and even fashion and people. I would also like to be a writer for a magazine. (I am planning my own books as well, and have started writing them, but I don't see myself finishing them any time soon. I need inspiration and more ideas.) I'm still not sure at this point if I would like to pursue web design as an actual career (I'll test it out when I offer my web design services that I mentioned above), but the option is there. These are just three options that come to my mind at the moment, but the idea of possibly going into one of these fields is making me so excited! I don't think I've ever been as excited about being a lawyer.

I guess... I've always been scared of actually deciding to pursue a career as a photographer or a writer or a web designer, because I've always been scared of failing. I love the idea of being freelance (or even to work for a specific magazine), but I guess I just decided it wasn't worth taking a risk for. Like trying would be more a hassle than an actual accomplishment. My ever present self-doubt also played a part in it, because I didn't think I was good enough to turn my hobbies into work (but anyone who has made a job out of their hobbies at some point thought they weren't good enough to make it; but those who believe in themselves, work hard and don't give up easily do make it). And I kept myself 'in check' from the temptation of building a portfolio and researching how to be any of these things by thinking about my degree and how I would have gotten more of a stable job by sticking with it. Because ultimately that's how I thought of my degree: I'll do it because I need to have a job. But a job doesn't necessarily have to be outside of my hobbies. And even if I don't get the "job of my dreams", as long as I have a job that pays the rent and the food and allows me to spend time on the stuff that I really love, then it's perfectly fine. It's written nowhere that I should suffer like this just to get a 'high-paying', 'stable', outside-of-my-hobbies job.

Looking back at what exactly made me choose Law, I guess it was mostly for social status and the money. I do have a sense of justice and I liked to think I would have 'made a difference' once I became a lawyer. Don't know exactly what that meant and what I wanted to make a difference in; I just thought I wanted to be someone or do something important. It's hard to explain and I guess it's because I hadn't really thought about it that much. I don't even know why or how exactly I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a lawyer. I swear I used to be so confident in my choice; and now I sound like a total idiot who was in it just for the money.

Anyway. This was just a very short update to let you guys know what's happening and what is going through my head at the moment. If you could leave me some feedback on my photos, I'd really appreciate it! :D (But don't feel like you have to do it! Just if you feel like it.) And hopefully the next entry will be full of good news.

P.S. I think about getting a job as a photographer so much, that last night I dreamed of getting a new, super-fancy camera. XD

Comments

[muladhara]

I like the look of your prototype portfolio - it's very simple and refreshing. I haven't looked at your flickr stream yet, but I will :)

I was going to go in for photography at one point (apparently I take good photos??), but it was yet another false start I feel (art-wise I feel more at home drawing), and my heart wasn't really in it. Also I started getting repetitive very quickly, and that kind of bored me. But this is not about me! It's about you. GO YOU. Honestly.

And yeah, it's so easy to feel idiotic about choices you made that you now don't feel were right. I still feel like that about my degree, and it's been, as I mentioned, nine years since I jacked it in. It's easy to say well try not to feel guilty about it, but I know how hard it is not to feel guilty. So yeah, you'll feel guilty about it all, but in the long run, you'll feel better, and might (no promises) come to see it as a stepping stone to wherever you end up. I really hope that you do, though.

:)

[chibichan]

Thank you! I hope you liked the few photos I uploaded there! :)

You've made me curious now! How did it start to get repetitive? (I want to know all the ups and downs of the job first!)

Ah, you're right! I guess the important thing is to have realised it sooner than later that it wasn't the thing for me. I'm 22 now, so I'm still relatively young, and starting again is not that big of a tragedy. Imagine if I had made it through the degree, then made it through the years to get a barrister/solicitor qualification and then started my traineeship at 26-27 and realised that it was not what I wanted to do. Mind you, I think it's never too late to change your mind and do something else (plenty of people do this!), but I'd like to be working at a relatively stable job by the time I'm 26-27 and just thinking about all the miserableness that I would have put myself through to get a degree and become a lawyer... then it's better to have realised it now. :)

[muladhara]

Well, it was repetitive for me because my tutors only wanted me to make photographs about being mentally ill, and after a while I was kind of "eh, well, how many more ways can I say I don't know how feelings work, I feel like shit, and no-one listens to me?", but with other stuff I find ways and means of doing things. I mean, you'd think there's only so many photos you can take of your cat, for example, but my memory cards say different ;) (although that is absolutely true; I once kidded one of my tutors that I was going to publish a book called "Pictures of My Cat", and I still do think about doing it sometimes :)

So it's more the subject matter than the actual thing, if you see what I mean?

Yes! It's much better to have realised it sooner rather than later :)

[chibichan]

Oh, yeah, I see how that could get repetitive. I agree, it really depends on the subject. I could stare at/take photos of animals all day, for example! ;D (Just like you, I've taken so many photos of my cat, with so many different devices; I just can't get bored of it!)

Thanks for letting me know, though! :)

[muladhara]

You are totally welcome! :)

[requiems]

To be able to step aside and realise that you've made a mistake, or even just realised your priorities has changed, is a good thing and something you should be proud of. You tried law, you found it's not working out. Maybe next time will be better, yeah?

I've had a look at your flickr and it's lovely! Your photos are really nice and easy to look at and your angles are great. You definitely have something to work with and if you're passionate about it, I'd definitely recommend going to it! Actually, a question - have you ever considered doing something along the lines of travel journalism? As I was in a you-can-pretty-much-mix-and-match in my media course, some people did do journalism and photography and really got into the process. Being able to write as well as take pictures is always a plus and you can also appeal to two markets, if you did that, as you have English and Italian as languages. Anyway, travel journalism doesn't even mean you have to go all over the place; you could just explore Scotland or places around Scotland. It might be interesting for you! In media journalism and photography isn't something that is overly competative or exhaustive, either, so it should be okay to get into. I often get emails about photography things in and around Manchester (such as with fashion and what not, taking pictures for companies which even if you don't get paid for you can add to your portfolio, etc). It's definitely something worthwhile to pursue and definitely something that comes with great opportunities.

[chibichan]

Yeah, hopefully next time will be better! :)

Thanks! I'm glad you like my photos! :D Actually, I was thinking about travel journalism as one of my possible options! It would be amazing to be able to both take photos of places and write about them! Although I've heard that becoming a journalist in Italy is incredibly hard, unless you know the right people. It's also not overly competitive, you say? That gives me hope! I'll definitely look into it.

Just one question: did you have to sign up anywhere to receive emails about photography, or did it come with the uni course? Because those would be a great place to start, but I don't know exactly how to get them.

[requiems]

In terms of how competative media is, travel journalism is probably the best shot. It's mainly moreso about what you can offer, so the more you can offer the more likely people will take you in.

Most of the time it comes with the course (the department sends out emails since companies usually email them to ask their students and they pass them along). Usually they're the best sort of stuff for me but you could always try signing up to prospects but personally I've not found that very useful.

I would offer to forward emails along but most of them are in Manchester. :(

[chibichan]

Aw, don't worry! :) I'll try signing up to Prospects. It seems to have useful bits of information about different jobs, so at least it can give me a general idea on jobs I'd like to do.

Thanks for the link! :D