raise your glass

Can I just take a moment to say how happy I am that I'm not doing law this year? I was curious and took a look at what modules I was assigned this year; and only one of them was a module I actually wanted. They gave me Law, Family and Society (and if there's one thing I learned doing this degree is that "society" in the name of modules does not stand for "how society nowadays works", it stands for "how philosophers think society works"; you're stuck learning a bunch of legal theories that you will then have to describe for the exam, which in my case is boring because I've already studied philosophy in school, only difference is, my school teacher made philosophy way more interesting than my university lecturer), Private International Law and International Law (which I really did not want to do, because from what I understand, you basically study a list of international cases that you have to know for the exam and that's it). They're all modules that I seriously couldn't want to do less. So happy I don't have to put up with this crap anymore.

I exchanged emails with the lecturer of the web design course for a few days, asking all kinds of questions about the course. I must say, I already like the guy. He took the time to answer all my questions and was very patient with me. He even wrote "wee bit" (I love Scottish dialect/words) and once he even put a smiley face in one of his emails. He just seems like such a nice guy! :D I'm so happy he's going to be the one to teach this course. He basically said not to worry about the application form, that it was merely a formality and basically he would accept me into the course. So I'm "unofficially" in; all I need is for the college to get back to me about my application and let me know that I'm in. I'm so excited! :D

Also, when comparing the willingness and helpfulness of this guy to that of my advisor of studies, she seems really disinterested and lazy. I sent her an email two days ago, asking if she had heard back from the Committee regarding my liability for termination of studies, since I haven't heard back (and I was supposed to hear back on September 5)... but has she replied to my email, by any chance? Nope. I have no other way to contact her either. The university has completely left me in the dark about what is going to happen to me this year and what I am to do. It's just... irritating. I'll wait until next week and if I don't hear back from anyone, then I'm emailing the secretary of the law school. Someone must reply to me.

I don't know what came over me exactly, but yesterday I sent an email to a magazine here in the UK which is about anime/manga/video games/Japan in general, which, as you know, are huge interests of mine. The magazine is called Neo, in case anyone in my f-list who is from the UK wants to know. They do a "reader review" every issue and I asked what the topic of the next reader review was going to be about. It would be an amazing opportunity to get something written by me published in an actual magazine and it would look good on my personal statement if I applied for a Journlism degree. I also very boldly asked if/when they were going to hire new writers for their magazine and if they required any qualifications; I said I would love to work for their magazine and that I could send them samples of my writing. I felt so pumped when I sent them that email, so happy to be going for something that I would love to do... Andrew said it was great to see me really go for it and be so excited about something. I don't think he had ever seen me that happy... and I can't recall the last time I had been that happy in the last couple of years. They're all a blur of stress, tears and general "ugh" and "blah". I'm so excited and happy about this, too.

In minor news, today I made myself a new shiny Europass CV to give to employers. Can't wait to add my web design qualification to it (although I did put I'm doing the web design course).

So at the moment I'm currently waiting for emails from 7 different people. Two from possible employers (still hoping that Waterstones contacts me first), one from the renting place (I'm waiting for an email from them saying they found a replacement. I also asked a girl I know from my class if she could spread the word about the room, since I'm not in Dundee and cannot ask people myself about it; also I don't know anyone who would want the room), one from Perth College (about my application), two from my university (from my advisor of studies and the Committee) and one from Neo magazine about the reader review and the job as a magazine writer. I am trying to wait patiently for all of these emails... but they're all so important and I'm so excited/nervous about them! I might do a meme in the next few days just to keep my mind off things while I'm waiting for people to contact me. Keeping all my fingers crossed!

First of all, thank you guys so much for all your lovely comments on my last entry! They really made me feel better about my possible choice of dropping out of my degree course.

I've emailed my advisor of studies, but she's on holiday and she won't be back to Scotland until next week. Which puts me in a very awkward position, because my first resit is on Friday and I really hoped I could have talked to her before my exams, so I would have gotten a clearer idea of whether I want to keep going with this degree (which at the moment seems very unlikely) or not and thus chosen whether to actually attempt my resits or not. Not that it would have made much of a difference - I'm not prepared for my resits, as I don't understand the stuff and can't answer problem questions, so the chances of me passing my resits are low. But if I had talked to my advisor of studies before the resits and decided to drop out, I could have spared having to take exams. Because the fact that I need to take exams + the fact that I know I won't be able to pass them is stressing me quite a lot. Again, more useless and unhealthy stress. I'm really just doing my resits to show that 'at least I tried' if my advisor of studies should ask. But yeah, these exams are not going to go well.

Another thing that is worrying me about my resits is the fact that I might have to redo second year if I don't pass them. If there's one thing I know for certain, is that I don't want to re-study and re-do a property law exam. Ever. Again. So, if it does turn out that I might have to pass second year again, I'll most likely drop out.

So, I've been looking at other choices recently. I've been looking mostly into becoming a professional photographer. I found the Glasgow School of Art and I'm going to get more information on it and its courses. The courses I'd be interested in would be Fine Art Photography and Digital Culture. I obviously will have to look more into them and I do intend to meet someone from the school and have a chat with them about both courses, because I really want to get an idea of what they're like. (I sent an email, but I guess they must be closed for holidays or something, because they haven't replied yet.) I'll have to do a portfolio, but I wanted to make a portfolio anyway, so this will be a good occasion to make one. I have taken over 1,000 photos, so there must be something in there worth showing.

Which brings me to another request I have for you guys. I'm looking for feedback on my photos and I'm trying to figure out which ones are most likely to impress and that I should put on my portfolio. If you guys feel like being photography critics, my Flickr account is skymistress. I also tried out a free portfolio website (I'm not going to use it, I'm going to build my own portfolio, since I know web design, so I can show my web designing skills as well), just to get an idea of what I would like my portfolio to look like and what photos I'd put in it and here is a 'prototype', if you will. I'm also thinking of offering paid (but very cheap!) web design work to friends and family in the near future, so if any of you guys are interested in having a website, but know nothing of web design and would like someone to do the 'dirty work' for you, don't hesitate to ask! :) This way I'll get an idea of what working for other people is like and if I'd actually like to do it for a living.

While I was making this 'portfolio prototype', I also realised that I would love to be a photographer for a magazine. I love taking pictures of animals, nature, landscapes, cities and even fashion and people. I would also like to be a writer for a magazine. (I am planning my own books as well, and have started writing them, but I don't see myself finishing them any time soon. I need inspiration and more ideas.) I'm still not sure at this point if I would like to pursue web design as an actual career (I'll test it out when I offer my web design services that I mentioned above), but the option is there. These are just three options that come to my mind at the moment, but the idea of possibly going into one of these fields is making me so excited! I don't think I've ever been as excited about being a lawyer.

I guess... I've always been scared of actually deciding to pursue a career as a photographer or a writer or a web designer, because I've always been scared of failing. I love the idea of being freelance (or even to work for a specific magazine), but I guess I just decided it wasn't worth taking a risk for. Like trying would be more a hassle than an actual accomplishment. My ever present self-doubt also played a part in it, because I didn't think I was good enough to turn my hobbies into work (but anyone who has made a job out of their hobbies at some point thought they weren't good enough to make it; but those who believe in themselves, work hard and don't give up easily do make it). And I kept myself 'in check' from the temptation of building a portfolio and researching how to be any of these things by thinking about my degree and how I would have gotten more of a stable job by sticking with it. Because ultimately that's how I thought of my degree: I'll do it because I need to have a job. But a job doesn't necessarily have to be outside of my hobbies. And even if I don't get the "job of my dreams", as long as I have a job that pays the rent and the food and allows me to spend time on the stuff that I really love, then it's perfectly fine. It's written nowhere that I should suffer like this just to get a 'high-paying', 'stable', outside-of-my-hobbies job.

Looking back at what exactly made me choose Law, I guess it was mostly for social status and the money. I do have a sense of justice and I liked to think I would have 'made a difference' once I became a lawyer. Don't know exactly what that meant and what I wanted to make a difference in; I just thought I wanted to be someone or do something important. It's hard to explain and I guess it's because I hadn't really thought about it that much. I don't even know why or how exactly I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a lawyer. I swear I used to be so confident in my choice; and now I sound like a total idiot who was in it just for the money.

Anyway. This was just a very short update to let you guys know what's happening and what is going through my head at the moment. If you could leave me some feedback on my photos, I'd really appreciate it! :D (But don't feel like you have to do it! Just if you feel like it.) And hopefully the next entry will be full of good news.

P.S. I think about getting a job as a photographer so much, that last night I dreamed of getting a new, super-fancy camera. XD