raise your glass

I will address the title of this entry in a bit, but first: I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW. TOMORROW.

Sadly, it's not for Waterstones (the bookshop). They contacted me earlier in the week saying they had found someone "more qualified for the job" than me. So yeah, I was pretty sad about it. Andrew told me not to worry over it, that getting a job is a question of "win some, lose some" and he's right. I think I might have also sent a CV that they didn't like. I have a Europass CV (which has been advertised a lot in Italy and it's supposed to help you get a job anywhere in Europe), but I recently found out that UK employers don't really like that CV. So I wrote myself another one and I sent it to this shop/cafe in Andrew's town. The shop is called Cocoa Mountain. Do you see where this is going? I might be working in a chocolate shop. As a chocolate-maker and seller. If there's one thing I love more than books, it's probably chocolate. And the shop is so close to Andrew's house that I won't have to take any buses or anything. It would pretty much be perfect.

So my job interview for the chocolate shop is tomorrow. I've never had a job interview in my life (I worked for my parents when I was in Italy), so I've been googling "common job interview questions" and thinking of answers for them. I'm not really stressing over it - if anything I'm more excited than stressed. A job interview means there's a possibility that I might get the job. And if I get the job, it means income. And income means independence from my parents! (I realise I won't be totally independent from my parents with a minimum wage job, but at least I can stop feeling guilty the rare times that I spend money.) So yeah, very exciting stuff indeed. :D

And now, onto the real topic of this entry, that is: what job I'd like to do. I've realised this a couple of days ago and I'm going to write it here as well, along with my thoughts.

( cut for real life decisions and thoughts )

So yeah... lots of new exciting stuff coming my way. I still have to tell my parents... and I'm quite curious what they will say. Wish me good luck. :) Also, if you have any advice, feel free to leave a comment!

I went to the doctor again today, because I was prescribed capsules and I just can't swallow them; so I had the doctor prescribe me tablets instead. He was a new doctor at the practice and I really liked him! He made me feel at ease, was very friendly and smiled a lot. He asked about my law degree and I said I wasn't going to continue with it and that I'm thinking of going into Journalism or Web Design. He looked at me, smiled broadly and said, "Oh, that's very exciting!" He looked genuinely happy for me, haha. And I agree, it is very exciting. This put me in a good mood. :)

Speaking of web design, I found a PDA course in Perth College in Web Design that covers pretty much what I'm interested in. It should last only one year and it's a part-time course that runs from 6-9pm, which would be perfect for me if I got a job at Waterstones. It starts quite soon (in about a week and a half's time), but I should still be be able to apply for it. I asked a few specific questions about the course and am now waiting for a reply to my email before I apply. Hopefully there are no major entry requirements for this course, and if there are, then hopefully my knowledge of HTML and CSS, plus the fact that I've been designing websites for years, will help me in my application. But anyway, I'm very excited about it! This way I can see if I would enjoy studying computing, I can experience what working for clients is like, study at least the basics of some programming languages that I don't know very well and even get a certificate for it! :D

I also called in order to apply for a National Insurance number today. My appointment to prove my identity and submit my application for the NINO is on Monday morning, in Edinburgh. I would've done this sooner if I had known I needed one, but hopefully I'll get one before I get a reply to my job applications. From what I understand, I can technically work without a NINO, it just won't count towards my pension? Or something like that. I don't know how it works in terms of benefits and stuff like that. I've always been horrible at understanding this stuff.

That's about it, really. I'll go enjoy the rest of my day, since I feel so cheerful today. :D

P.S. I watched The Lion King II last night and now I have the song "Not One of Us" stuck in my head. XD

First of all, thank you guys so much for all your lovely comments on my last entry! They really made me feel better about my possible choice of dropping out of my degree course.

I've emailed my advisor of studies, but she's on holiday and she won't be back to Scotland until next week. Which puts me in a very awkward position, because my first resit is on Friday and I really hoped I could have talked to her before my exams, so I would have gotten a clearer idea of whether I want to keep going with this degree (which at the moment seems very unlikely) or not and thus chosen whether to actually attempt my resits or not. Not that it would have made much of a difference - I'm not prepared for my resits, as I don't understand the stuff and can't answer problem questions, so the chances of me passing my resits are low. But if I had talked to my advisor of studies before the resits and decided to drop out, I could have spared having to take exams. Because the fact that I need to take exams + the fact that I know I won't be able to pass them is stressing me quite a lot. Again, more useless and unhealthy stress. I'm really just doing my resits to show that 'at least I tried' if my advisor of studies should ask. But yeah, these exams are not going to go well.

Another thing that is worrying me about my resits is the fact that I might have to redo second year if I don't pass them. If there's one thing I know for certain, is that I don't want to re-study and re-do a property law exam. Ever. Again. So, if it does turn out that I might have to pass second year again, I'll most likely drop out.

So, I've been looking at other choices recently. I've been looking mostly into becoming a professional photographer. I found the Glasgow School of Art and I'm going to get more information on it and its courses. The courses I'd be interested in would be Fine Art Photography and Digital Culture. I obviously will have to look more into them and I do intend to meet someone from the school and have a chat with them about both courses, because I really want to get an idea of what they're like. (I sent an email, but I guess they must be closed for holidays or something, because they haven't replied yet.) I'll have to do a portfolio, but I wanted to make a portfolio anyway, so this will be a good occasion to make one. I have taken over 1,000 photos, so there must be something in there worth showing.

Which brings me to another request I have for you guys. I'm looking for feedback on my photos and I'm trying to figure out which ones are most likely to impress and that I should put on my portfolio. If you guys feel like being photography critics, my Flickr account is skymistress. I also tried out a free portfolio website (I'm not going to use it, I'm going to build my own portfolio, since I know web design, so I can show my web designing skills as well), just to get an idea of what I would like my portfolio to look like and what photos I'd put in it and here is a 'prototype', if you will. I'm also thinking of offering paid (but very cheap!) web design work to friends and family in the near future, so if any of you guys are interested in having a website, but know nothing of web design and would like someone to do the 'dirty work' for you, don't hesitate to ask! :) This way I'll get an idea of what working for other people is like and if I'd actually like to do it for a living.

While I was making this 'portfolio prototype', I also realised that I would love to be a photographer for a magazine. I love taking pictures of animals, nature, landscapes, cities and even fashion and people. I would also like to be a writer for a magazine. (I am planning my own books as well, and have started writing them, but I don't see myself finishing them any time soon. I need inspiration and more ideas.) I'm still not sure at this point if I would like to pursue web design as an actual career (I'll test it out when I offer my web design services that I mentioned above), but the option is there. These are just three options that come to my mind at the moment, but the idea of possibly going into one of these fields is making me so excited! I don't think I've ever been as excited about being a lawyer.

I guess... I've always been scared of actually deciding to pursue a career as a photographer or a writer or a web designer, because I've always been scared of failing. I love the idea of being freelance (or even to work for a specific magazine), but I guess I just decided it wasn't worth taking a risk for. Like trying would be more a hassle than an actual accomplishment. My ever present self-doubt also played a part in it, because I didn't think I was good enough to turn my hobbies into work (but anyone who has made a job out of their hobbies at some point thought they weren't good enough to make it; but those who believe in themselves, work hard and don't give up easily do make it). And I kept myself 'in check' from the temptation of building a portfolio and researching how to be any of these things by thinking about my degree and how I would have gotten more of a stable job by sticking with it. Because ultimately that's how I thought of my degree: I'll do it because I need to have a job. But a job doesn't necessarily have to be outside of my hobbies. And even if I don't get the "job of my dreams", as long as I have a job that pays the rent and the food and allows me to spend time on the stuff that I really love, then it's perfectly fine. It's written nowhere that I should suffer like this just to get a 'high-paying', 'stable', outside-of-my-hobbies job.

Looking back at what exactly made me choose Law, I guess it was mostly for social status and the money. I do have a sense of justice and I liked to think I would have 'made a difference' once I became a lawyer. Don't know exactly what that meant and what I wanted to make a difference in; I just thought I wanted to be someone or do something important. It's hard to explain and I guess it's because I hadn't really thought about it that much. I don't even know why or how exactly I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a lawyer. I swear I used to be so confident in my choice; and now I sound like a total idiot who was in it just for the money.

Anyway. This was just a very short update to let you guys know what's happening and what is going through my head at the moment. If you could leave me some feedback on my photos, I'd really appreciate it! :D (But don't feel like you have to do it! Just if you feel like it.) And hopefully the next entry will be full of good news.

P.S. I think about getting a job as a photographer so much, that last night I dreamed of getting a new, super-fancy camera. XD